apparently i only blog on tuesdays?

third weekly tuesday post, folks.  this is becoming a thing?  something about tuesdays makes my babies nap at the same time i guess & thus allows for quick updates.  i don't have the time to make something organized & thought out, so here are some randoms, mmmk?

--> still not getting a heck of a lot of sleep around here.  elliot wakes up 2-3x a night & his sleep becomes restless at about 5:00am & at that point i usually pull him into bed with me to squeak out a couple more hours of laying-in-bed-half-asleep time.  i know more sleep is in the near future, it seems to be getting better each week but it's definitely the one thing that makes my day the hardest.

--> oh wait, the fact that we're in the midst of potty training parker is probably the thing that makes my day the hardest.  we got the genius idea to cold-turkey potty train parker last weekend which means the last four days have been spent with a pantsless toddler running around the house & using the potty every 15 minutes.  we only have 1-2 accidents a day & he totally seems to be getting it... as long as we're home & he's within two steps of the toilet.  i'm afraid to leave my house again ever.  maybe when he's 16.

--> operation "be healthy & get in shape" is in {sorta} full swing.  ya like that?  sorta full swing?  i've been running & going back to stroller strides but since this potty training business has begun, i haven't really left the house.  but i have been cutting down the amount of sweets & junk i'm eating quite a bit... unless you count the two batches of chocolate chip pumpkin cookies i made in the last 3 days, well then, there is that.  but it's all about portion control!  what is the fall without pumpkin cookies?  it's nothing, i tell ya.

--> and now?  let's be real.  i have good days & bad days.  some days i feel like i'm rocking this mom of two thing & like i have it all under control.  other days?  i realize it's been 5 days since i've showered, six days since i've blogged, three days since i've worked out, i remember i have a huge back log of editing work to do for clients, my stretchy pants that i've worn three days in a row smell like spit up, the laundry is piled up & the hampers are overflowing, one kid is nursing & the other is currently peeing on the carpet & i think i'm gonna lose it.  sometimes?  it's just plain hard.  it really really is.  and i have those weak moments where i want to curl up in a corner & cry because i don't think i can do it all.  no wait, it's because i can't do it all.

being a mom is hard, you guys.  and just because i have said that, doesn't make me unhappy or ungrateful.  i wouldn't trade my babies in for a single thing & there isn't a second in my day where i would give any of it up.  but it can be overwhelming & it's so easy to start feeling sorry for yourself.

where am i going with this?  well, i guess sometimes i feel guilty for complaining or not appreciating every tiring moment.  in any given second, something could change.  we've been blessed with healthy babies & i have so much to be grateful for.  so why can't i go about every single day being grateful for each crazy moment?  that's what i feel guilty about.  i have very close friends & family who can't have kids, who have lost babies or who have babies with a chronic illness.

so i keep going.  in the end, i do have nothing to complain about.  i can have my weak moments but i know a day will come where i will wish i hadn't wished these days away.  i will miss the sweet baby smell of elliot's head & long for the days when parker's bare bottom sat on my lap & asked to read "the grouchy ladybug" for the 100 millionth time.  i will wish i had enjoyed it more & had stopped worrying about clean hair, clean laundry, my daily run or frequent blog posts.  but sometimes it's easy to lose sight of that.

so that's where we're at.  trying to appreciate every crazy moment & looking for joy in the everyday.  should be easy right?  i mean, look at this face.