how "mommy-hood" has changed my identity.

when i was twenty-eight weeks pregnant with parker i wrote this post about "keeping my identity" & wondering how becoming a mom might change me.  i was all up in my life as a career woman at the time & wondered if i'd get "dumbed down" by a life of diapers & spit up.  i came across that post last week & now, at twenty-eight weeks pregnant with parker's little brother, i want to write a follow-up to all the questions i asked back then... because now i know.

here's the short answer.  i know more about myself now & who i am than i ever did back then.

these last two years of being a {mostly} stay at home mom really have changed me & honestly?  the only thing i miss about that full-time career woman is the bigger paycheck.  but getting to stay home with parker & watch him grow has made up for that in amounts way more priceless than dollars.

ok, that's the cheesy short answer.  here's some other ways i've changed.

i discovered my love for photography & started a business.  i've always been an obsessive picture-taker & always insisted on taking a million pictures of every occasion.  but when parker was just a couple months old i realized i wanted to take this passion to the next level & we purchased my first dslr.  it started with millions of pictures of parker but now i'm on my second camera & have since shot countless families, seniors, kids & a handful of weddings.  if it wasn't for staying home & photography blogs & a cute little model to learn on, i'm not so sure any of this would have ever happened.  i definitely see a long life as a photographer ahead of me & hope this is just the beginning... i think it's something i am good at & something i strive to be better at.

also?  this might not be true for most moms but i feel like i've discovered a lot about my own personal style & fashion sense since becoming a mom.  when i dress up, i dress with more purpose & my home is decorated much more to my liking than it ever has been {although it's always a work in progress!}. pinterest & fashion blogs & lots of trips to target & the mall probably have something to do with this.

when i was pregnant with parker i think i thought all moms were destined to lives of yoga pants & slippers & although this really is what i wear 75% of the time {it's actually quite glorious}, i still find times to dress up & look nice.  i still clean up well.  i still get to curl my hair & wear heels {if i want} to church on sundays or for my one day in the office on thursdays.  this is plenty for me.  it turns out moms wear yoga pants & flip flops or slippers all the time because it is COMFY.  who knew?

when i was pregnant with parker i worried about losing touch with current events.  becoming a mom-in-a-bubble.  this is something i work on.  i watch the news, i read cnn.com & follow all kinds of newsfeeds on facebook.  i think i have a pretty good idea what is going on in the world around me & i enjoy talking about current events with sam every night.  it would be easy to tune all that out & worry only about the number of dirty diapers parker had that day but this is something that's important to me & i hope it always is.

and lastly?  what i didn't know about myself back then is how much i could love another little human being.  i didn't expect that i would honestly feel like i love my kid more than any one in the whole world could possibly love theirs.  i didn't know that watching sam be a dad would make me fall in love with him over & over again everyday & that being a family kicks the crap out of being a married couple.

basically, all my fears i had back in the day were unnecessary.  mommy-hood is what you make of it.  i think it's important to make time for yourself & put yourself first when it's appropriate because no one should ever feel like they've lost their identity.  of course i have my daily struggle with fitting in all the things i have to do versus what i would like to do but that happens with kids or no kids, right?  you just have to figure out your priorities.

turns out being a mom is a pretty good thing to be.  i highly recommend it.