on having another boy.

i'm not gonna lie.  there is no way i could be more excited about having another boy.

before we knew what we were having i got a lot of "are you hoping for a girl?" comments, which i totally understand.  it seems like you should naturally want one of each, right?  it's the all-american family.  i usually gave the honest answer of "i'm gonna be happy either way."  boy or girl, it was gonna be our baby & the newest member of our family & that baby was gonna be what we were supposed to have.  and like most parents, we spent our time praying that we would see a baby with a healthy heartbeat & well developed organs & bones at the ultrasound... gender was an afterthought.

but if i had been answering completely honest?  i kinda secretly hoped for another boy.  i even felt guilty for feeling that way.  i told sam multiple times how bad i felt for wanting another boy.  how worried i was of feeling disappointed at the ultrasound if we didn't see little boy parts.  so the whole way to the ultrasound i gave myself a pep talk about how having a girl would be awesome.  but as soon as that ultrasound started?  i started looking for boy parts & even though i wasn't sure i saw them, i knew it was a boy.

because the weird truth is?  i had already bonded to that baby in my belly as a boy.  back at about ten weeks i had an overwhelming feeling that baby #2 was a boy & i even had a feeling about his name.  over the next few weeks i discounted it as just weird emotions so i gave it little weight in the gender outcome & my predictions.  but that moment has stuck with me & so has the name.

i have no doubt that if this baby had been a girl she would have fit right in & turned our world upside down with her awesomeness.  but i am just so extremely happy that parker is going to have a little brother.

and there is something to be said about brothers.  i can't wait to raise two boys side by side & watch them go through life together.  i can't wait to be the mom of two boys.  i've always felt like there is this special bond between a mom & her son & i never knew just how amazing it was until these last two years.  and now that is going to be magnified x2?  i can't even.

now i will say this.

i'm not completely sure we're done having babies... we'll just have to make that call a year or two down the road.  and for baby number three?  i would TRULY, honestly, 100%, completely love a boy OR a girl.  in fact maybe i'd hope for a girl for number three.  i do hope to someday experience buying little cardigans & dresses & sweaters & own something in my house that is the color pink.  two protective big brothers & a cute little sister sounds absolutely perfect.

but for now i can't wait for little brother to get here.  i can't wait to see what he looks like & how he's going to be his own person.  i can't wait to see parker's reaction to him & how they interact as two little boys.  i can't wait for them to get into mischief together & for them to form their own personalities.  i can't wait for the epic wrestle matches that will occur in our living room with their dad & to watch him with his two little boys.

at this moment?  i just couldn't be happier.