i think about this constantly. and it's not like we have to decide how many babies we're having for at least three or four more years. but i find myself thinking about how many kids are gonna make up our whole family like all. the. time.
i grew up in a family of four girls & sam has three brothers & a sister. we love our big families. and there is nothing like getting the whole family together. so growing up i always thought i'd have four kids. no brainer.
and then we had one.
whoa. how the heck do people do more? parker is a dang near perfect baby & i have my hands {happily!} full. i feel like i can never get "caught up" & there is always something left undone. always an email to be answered, always a room to be cleaned, always a load of laundry to be put in. it's not parker's fault, i'm just saying that when you become a mom there is a big shift in priorities, ya know? things get left undone because your family needs you & you have to decide what can wait until tomorrow. and i just have one kid.
and we want how many more?
depends on who you ask. sam would say one more... done. i would say one more... then we're probably done. i'm excited & scared at the thought of having another, but mostly excited. we can't wait for parker to have a sibling. and two seems like such a perfect little round number. you can still drive around a five passenger car, you can easily tote around a double stroller, you have one hand for each kid & a kid for each parent.
but then i think, what if they don't end up being close? will my kids be deprived of that big family that i always loved growing up in? but maybe cousins will provide same thing. maybe. because parker has a LOT of cousins. like 19. but we don't live very close to any of them so uh, maybe not.
and that's my internal debate. i think that after baby number two gets here we'll know. we'll either know that we're done or we'll feel like there's more babies to be made.
but i wanna hear your thoughts. anyone out there always think they'd have a big family & then decide later it wasn't for them? or are you one of those amazing women who take motherhood in stride & can't wait til your mini-van is full?
...or are you like me & you're just taking it one baby at a time? because at this rate, if they keep turning out like parker we may have our very own football team someday. only time will tell.
i'd love a couple votes. that'd be pretty sweet.
I think about this a lot too. I want between 4 and 6 but Ryan has near killed me. everyone who has lots of kids say that it gets easier after 3. The oldest is old enough to help out and stay out of trouble and play with the middle! I hope its true. I think it also depends on your pregnancies.. mine are awful that is also going to be a big factor.
ReplyDeletebut at the end of the day I think you'll know when your family is complete. And who knows maybe 5 years later you will have some crazy dream and realize its not then 10 months later have another precious babe (thats totally happened to people I know!) but yeah just wait, and PRAY. you'll know when you're done.
I always thought 3 would be a good number based on the fact that I have 1 sibling but always wished for more. We've been trying for baby no.2 for 2 years now and experiencing secondary infertility. Maybe I'll be blessed with another pregnancy or 2 or maybe they'll come into our family in another way but I still have my heart set on 3!
ReplyDeleteFamily size is a stressful topic for me! I would love to give my little sweetie a sibling someday, but it most likely won't be a biological one because of the extreme risk to my health.
ReplyDeleteI know you will end up doing what works best for you guys! As silly and cliche as it sounds...follow your heart on this one. ;)
xo.
Pretty sure I could have written a similar post. My husband is an only child, he doesn't speak to his father, and his extended family is pretty small. I have 2 siblings and my extended family is HUGE (my parents were each 1 of 5 & 6). I love being from a larger family.
ReplyDeleteMy siblings are VERY different from me. We aren't super close. And they don't really have an interest in kids. So I feel like if we don't have a lot, my kids won't have all that big family fun. Before Ryann was born I thought we would have 4.
Now, I'm not so sure. Same thoughts as you, she is an awesome kid, she has her issues (hello picky stubborn hates to sleep), but so freaking amazing. And I am still completely exhausted and overwhelmed a lot of the time. I think we might still end up with 3, but they definitely won't be quite as close together as we originally thought (I wanted the kiddos 2 years apart), and we will really just have to see.
One of my husbands professors told him the hardest transition for them was from 1 to 2 kids. After that it didn't seem near as difficult. That surprised me, but you never know.
Sheesh! Sorry for the novel :o)
Here's my two cents: Keep thinking about every scenario! Big family, only two kids, whatever. In my opinion/experience, you will not KNOW for sure until after each kid you have.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I came from huge families (him: 4 bros, me: 4 sis + step siblings later on in life) so we always felt that a big family was best. Then we had our first daughter. She changed our life, our thoughts, everything! She was amazing! Then we started questioning if we even wanted ANY more than her! Then around the time she was 2 1/2 I got that REAL feeling (not the one that you get everytime you see a baby for the rest of your life and just want to squish it feeling) that it was time to have another child. It felt right. So we had our second daughter. While I was pregnant, I felt "done". No more babies. (My body went through a lot when I was pregnant w/ them both, though, so that may have been why.) When our youngest was about 3, last year, I got that feeling again. I never thought I'd want more. It is just really bad timing (I'm dealing with medical stuff and, on a financial level, we just got rid of our minivan and bought a new Civic---can't have more babies in that thing!) or else I really think we may have another on the way! We are now playing with the idea of waiting a couple of years and having a couple more! Wow! From the first to the second, there is a 3 yr difference, and from the first to the third or more there would be over 8 yrs! Hmm...so, basically, you won't know until you know! I'm just really thankful that neither of us got "the operation" so we still DO have the chance to have more if we want to!
Okay, so that was long, so sorry! :) But a side note: two is a really, really hard transition at first, but then you get the hang of it. After that, you could have as many as you want! All my friends with 3 or more kids say that having two is like having 5, once you hit two, you can handle any number! :P
ReplyDeletewell you know i have six children and i wouldn't want it any other way. some days are hard, and i have to go cry in my pillow. but as hard as it is, AND IT IS HARD, i just never saw my family complete until #6.
ReplyDeletetwo of my children are step children, but i can honestly say that 6 was the # and if i wasn't blessed with my two oldest boys, i would have had two more of my own biological children.
you will just know.
we're taking it one baby at a time over here! i am the oldest of 6 girls, so I always imagined myself with a large family...kids running around everywhere, etc. now that we are expecting #2 & this baby & Maddox will be 21mos apart, we're thinking two is the perfect number! however, we do have the occasion discussion about adding a third, a fourth...
ReplyDeletei totally understand your internal debate!I i'm having my own :)
I'm in the same boat! I have a two year old that I adore and we haven't taken that next step to have another baby. We want another one but we just got our freedom back and its so nice! So selfish of us!! We're definitely taking it one baby at a time.
ReplyDeleteI think about that a lot too...Matt has one younger sister and I had a brother (he passed away 4 yrs ago)...I miss having a sibling, so I want Christian to have a sibling, but Matt is almost 38 (8 years age difference), so for him, the thought of having another sends him into an anxiety filled state, lol. I know more people are having just one, but I personally think it would be fun to have one more...we've considered adopting, but holy moly it's expensive...I never understood how giving a child a secure place to live costs me a years salary??? I know alot of only children like being the only one, but for me, I think it's a little lonely. Woah, I've said alot, lol.
ReplyDeleteIt is a very personal choice. The health of the mom has to be a top priority!
ReplyDeleteEach of you four girls are so very precious & I would have loved to have had even more. I always wanted 5 but sometimes you don't get to pick. You get what you get. You would not be here - as least in our family if we had stopped at three. ;)
For us we took it one baby at a time...it's not like you have to decide right now or turn in a number to the stork.
My oldest son was an only child for 11 1/2 years! Then, I had my daughter ~ and 2 years later, my youngest son. I can honestly say that having my two little ones so close together has been MUCH easier than having my older son all by himself. The 2 little ones play together, entertain each other (so I can fold 1 more load of laundry!) and they are the best of friends. I sometimes wish that I had had another child closer in age to my oldest son, just so he could experience the bond with a sibling that my younger two share. I agree with everyone else ~ you will just know.....
ReplyDeleteWe have ZERO kids so far, yet think about it absolutely all the time. I know at least 2 because I don't want them to be an only child, but I grew up in a group of 3 and that was nice, but really I'd like to have a tribe of 4-5. Then you get into expenses and such and ahhh. BUT I think I'll just take it one kid at a time too...and aim for 4. I think large families are so great and I'd have loved to have more siblings, but never less, so there's that.
ReplyDeleteWe're expecting our first in October and I'm already having doubts about how many we want! I always thought 3 or 4 and now all I can think about is our boy on the way...how could I possibly share myself with other kids? And he's not even here yet!
ReplyDeleteI am so with you on taking it one at a time. When I first thought about having kids I wanted to have six, because my aunt had six kids and they were all so amazingly close and so much fun to be around and I wanted to be just like that and then after two and now having three little ones I think that we are pretty much done. My husband wants one more maybe even two but I am not sure. And our oldest has autism and I think we need to focus on his needs first... so who knows! :)
ReplyDeleteBut i definitely think you will make tons of cute babies just like Parker! :)
I think about this a lot, too. Philip comes from a family with 7 kids, and for me, it's just me & my sister. So when we got married I kinda thought somewhere in the middle of that would be nice for our family. (3-4 kids). BUT now that I have a crazy 18 month old, that is becoming less realistic for me. Maybe I'm just a wimp, but like Lauren said in her comment about Ryan... Bennett is killin' me. I mean, he's a happy kid and I love the snot out of him. But at the end of the day, I am just WIPED out. So... with that in mind... my Husband and I have kinda said "let's just take it one baby at a time". All we know know at this point is that we definitely want at least one sibling for Bennett. But beyond that - we'll have to see where we are both financially and mentally. Ha ha.
ReplyDeletethis is constantly on my mind. we currently have two (one is 5 and the other is 2.5). i am an only child & my husband is the baby of 3. at one point he wanted 5, at least while i only wanted two. now? i want another and possibly another after that. for awhile there #3 was out of the question {for my husband}; however, he seems to be tinkering with the idea of a 3rd. there will always be the debate if you should continue on...
ReplyDeletei think as you add more kids to the mix, you will know if another is in the cards based on the current children & their needs & wants...
Fun post, Amy! Contrary to how it seems (me always talking about lots of kids) I do struggle with this too. I wonder about spacing, about finances, about whether I can prevent myself from becoming "frazzled". I suppose we're all just taking it one baby at a time...and I don't know very many women (whether they have 1 or 8) who haven't experienced some amount of heartache/doubt when they finally said "we're done." I'm glad I'm a ways away from that. It's the only thing keeping me from bawling my eyes out when I put away Cami's little clothes. :)
ReplyDeleteOh Amy, are you a mind reader??? Having another baby and how many more babies has been on my husband and mine minds for months now. We plan on trying towards the end of the year for baby number 2 and I am so conflicted inside. I know I want at least one more kind but to add one more kid to my already crazy toddler scares me! lol Just like you said, how do people do it? Then I think about the fact that next year will be the last time I'll ever be pregnant if we only have two and that makes me really sad. I didn't have a big family and the idea sounds like fun. So in trying to keep this short (hehe) we decided to take it one baby at a time.
ReplyDeleteI read on forum, someone asked a similar question, how do you know when you're done. Someone had a great answer and it was when you look at your family and feel complete. They said it was simple as that and you'll know. So that's the outlook I'm going to try. After each kid, ask myself if my family is complete and if not, we'll keep adding. :) Okay, this is getting long. I could probably talk about this all day. Haha
I want four (yikes!) but my husband only wants the one we have. I'm assuming we'll compromise on 2 or 3 :)
ReplyDeleteor... you could just be like me.. have one swear your done... and 13 years later have another :)
ReplyDeletenow, i want more. really i do. i would LOVE to have like 2 more, but sadly it just isnt in my cards. {my hubs and i are 34... so two more isnt feasible.
do you know what happens to you when you get pregnant after the age of 30ish... they poke and prod you more than should ever be allowed.
i really have 2 only children. its been a hard decision. im not saying NO indefinitely... not yet, but by the end of this year... we will have finally made a decision.
oh p.s. that whole 2 kid 5 passenger car thing works great until your kids play sports... then you need 12 seats.
Right now, we're just taking it a day at the time. We know that we're ready to add at LEAST one more to our brood. So we're starting there. The husband mentioned having a third one day, so we'll just see how it goes. I always said that if I had more than two, I'd have four (gotta keep it in even numbers). Mentioning having FOUR kids sends my husband up the wall, but like you, I love the idea of a bigger family. My sister and I weren't very close growing up, and still aren't. It would be nice to make sure that my kiddos had someone.
ReplyDeletei think i read somewhere that people are having 1-2 kids more often these days. the days of 4-5 siblings are slowly fading out. i have three other siblings, so i'm used to having a lot of people around, but i have NO idea how my mom did it. so expensive. and we're all 2 years apart from the next one. i think i'd like to have just one more, but i want to wait till wyatt is in kindergarten. i also want to give him the opportunity to be spoiled rotten and just be a baby for as long as he needs. ya know?
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine having more than 2. I'm not a big "kid person" to be honest. Like I love them but I don't see myself having more than 2 and I told David if next time around I need another c-section I'm getting my tubes tied haha. David has like 7 sisters I believe and 2 brothers. I haven't even met all of his sisters and some of them I can't remember their names even if it were a life or death situation lol.
ReplyDeleteOh Jazmyn♥
I'm just debating when to have the NEXT one, let alone how many more after the next one! ha ha! I have a post in the works on that one! But I agree with everyone else here...you just got to take it one baby at a time. Before I had Ellie, I thought for sure we definitely wanted at least 2, and I wanted them very close together. After having her, well...I need a longer break than I thought I would! ha ha! (Again, a post on my blog to come about this very same topic very soon!)
ReplyDelete♥ Kyna
http://greatexpectations-kyna.blogspot.com/
this is the same debate we're having here too. dad is done with the two. i feel like i'm not done having babies. that being said, since we had two super close, we're waiting on the possibility of a third. and, there's probably a certain age at which i'm done having babies. i'm saying 30. which is a good 6 years away..soooo..
ReplyDeletemy take is don't try to rush it. i swear i had a dream about you last night that you were pregnant and you were having a boy and you decided on the name spencer. weird, right? in any case, i wouldn't stress about how many kids to have, when to have them, etc. just kind of go through life i guess.
my answer is kind of vague. sorry for being lame. lol
You guys will figure it out! It's definitely been a main topic of conversation for us more than once. For us, I think the magic number is at least 3. I have only 1 sibling and wish I had more, and hubby had 2 siblings and was satisfied. So, probably 3 - unless we want more! (although we'll probably re-assess after our first little guys arrives, haha!).
ReplyDelete~Chelsea
Everyone I know who has quite a few kids (I have TWO sets of aunts and uncles who have FIVE) says that three is the worst, because you're outnumbered, and it's hard to get used to that.
ReplyDeleteBut, after three, it doesn't matter how many more you have- once you've learned to be outnumbered, it's easy to be.
As long as you can afford it.
WOW! I LOVE all of the comments. What a popular topic huh??
ReplyDeleteI was really curious to see how many kids YOU want... I can see you with a full bakers dozen:D
We are taking it 1 year at a time.. HAHAHA.. life changes to much! I'm SOOO happy to have 2 kiddos! I dunno what our future holds but... If i could have like 10 more I would. I LOVE being pregnant!!
RIGHT now.... JACI is jumping up and down on my lap & its making it hard to type. HAHAHA
Maybe 10 is a crazy number for our littlE house:D
Korry promised me twins one day.. hopefully he works his magic! HAHAHA. Great topic:D
I always thought of having 2 or 3 babies, but plans have changed, as of now I have a big fat 0! I have a step-daughter who isn't always with us, and a niece that I will most likely have custody of one day...So this has decreased the number of kids we can afford. Plus I'm NOT a mini van kinda gal, I'm a H3 kinda gal ;) So now I'm down to 1-2 kids. :/ We'll see though. I told my hubs: If the first one is mellow like me we'll have a second, but if it's active like you and DSD I think we'll stop. LOL.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny to me when I find another "mommy blog" that has a little one named Parker. : )
ReplyDeleteWe have Parker, and August is going to be born here in a couple weeks, and I have thought CONSTANTLY through this pregnancy about whether or not this will be the last time I'm pregnant. My husband and I both have only one sibling, and as it is, neither of our siblings have kids (and look as if they may never, too) so depending on having lots of cousins for our kids is out.
I've always thought I wanted a big family, like my Mom who grew up with 3 siblings, and I thought for a long time 4 kids was ideal for me. It still is in some ways, but I go back and forth with it. I don't know if I can handle another pregnancy, much less a third child, so having 4 seems crazy at this point. But we're young, and we have years to fully decide if we're done making our family, so I've resigned myself to just believing that over time we will figure out what we're most comfortable with. I guess we'll have to see how hard having 2 is, first....
I think taking it one at a time is a great plan. We've always wanted a big family too...and are well on our way with two babies within 17mo :) AND starting the adoption process for our third. We just know we want lots of kids, but it is scary and stressful at the same time. I know these years when they are little will be TOUGH, but worth it in the end. I pray every day my babies will be best friends!
ReplyDeletehaha, first of all, nice pic. secondly, to answer your question, i think mark and i both want 4 kids. I have 3 sisters, he only has 1, but his dad comes form a HUGE family and we've always known we want tons of kids. BUT, that may change after we have baby #2, we'll see. Riley was by no means a "dream baby," but that hasn't changed my mind at all about how many we want. In fact, if she was a dream baby, I think it would have confirmed my desire for lots and lots of kids!
ReplyDeleteBut who knows, all this may change once I have to tackle taking care of 2 babies instead of just one. We'll see!
If we can have one more, then we will. I have one brother and Matt is an only child. I put my foot down and insisted we at least try for one more because I can't imagine not having my brother in my life, and feel that a sibling is very important. I think two will be enough for us! You have plenty of time to think about it and see what is right for your family!!
ReplyDeletei don't want more than two ... it would be a dream come true if i am able to have another one.
ReplyDeletebut yes, i know exactly what you mean - the thought of more than one seems like crazy talk, it's so much work already. i think it would pretty much be a situation of giving up yourself entirely and giving fully in to chaos.
I think about this ALL the time. I wanted more but with everything going on with Carsyn we may be done.
ReplyDeleteI always thought I wanted just two because it was always just me and my brother growing up (we are super close, by the way). But now that I have one, I'm thinking I want at least three.
ReplyDeleteI'm already 32, so three would probably be the limit. I don't want to risk being pregnant when I'm 40.
Hey, Ame! Just catching up on your blog and thought I'd throw my two cents in... I love having four kids! You'll never regret having a child (you just love them so much when they get here) but I think you'll regret not having one when it's too late. Each one brings so much to the family. Love ya!
ReplyDeleteAlthough we're far from ready to have more kids, I always think about how many I want to have. I agree with you that big families are amazing and before I always thought that's what I wanted. At once I wanted 4 kids but as Carter grows the number keeps shrinking because of that shift of priorities that you mentioned. Plus, I don't think I can go through pregnancy that many times. So, for now, I'm thinking 2 and then possibly a 3rd if I get hit with some serious baby fever.
ReplyDeleteWe've had converstaions about this before but I love even number of things. I always wanted four or six kids. But then I had Kingston and that pregnancy was soo ruff on my body. Then I got pregnant with this baby and it killed me at the beginning and I just felt like I was content with two. Also, James is a bit older and you have to keep that in mind. Do you want to be the old school parent or the young hip parent? I just feel like if I was to have one more after Navy then i'd have to have another after that because three is just freaking mean. I have 4 sisters but I was only raised with 2 of them and I was always the odd man out. This is such a hard subject but luckily you can just take it a day at a time and like your mom said you don't have to send your number off to the stork!
ReplyDeleteI want Brayden to be 2 1/2. I want to start trying in May. This is mostly because my last 3 months of pregnancy were June, July and August in Florida. Oh god. Never again. We just want two babies.
ReplyDeleteI always said I wanted 6 because I was an only child and really wished I had at least one sibling. Family vacations, lazy days spent at home-- they're just not the same when you're by yourself, ya know? So now people ask me "Do you still want those 6 kids?!?!?" And I think I've lowered my number to 4 or 5. I could see myself handling the kids, but I don't think I could handle that many pregnancies. We'll see. After the next one, my number might drop again ;)
ReplyDeleteill be honest. im SCARED to have another baby. mostly cuz with my blood type and thyroid makes miscarriage more likely. also.. this world is CRAZY and keeps gettin crazier. i think we want one more so that bray has a sibling but then other than that.. NO MORE. besides i already know my patients level can only handle one more kid haha
ReplyDeleteWe talk about this a lot. I was nervous to have our second, scared of the added responsibility and how we would handle it all. But honestly, now that she's here, we can't imagine life without her, we don't remember what it was like to have just one. And I would like to think it would be that way with three, or even four. My husband always says, "What's one more?". But then there's the practical side of things: the money, daycare costs, putting enough food on the table. And as much guilt as I feel for even considering that, it's a practical component. I guess that's where faith comes in, believing that God truly does have a plan for all of us and will give us everything we need to make that plan work. I know that we will definitely try for at least one more. But really, I'd like to believe it's not up to us. It's already been written, all we have to do is accept it and live it to the fullest!!
ReplyDeleteThis is always a huge debate for us as well! We really only want two and then we would be done. BUT if our next one isn't a girl we are going to try again. I think 4 would be my max though! haha
ReplyDeleteI think about this all the time. I was set on having 4, then I go back to just one more. Then the thought of only being pregnant one more time and one more newborn in the house makes me sad. Maybe one more w/ in the next year then with that one turns K baby fever will kick in again ;)
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate. I was there where you are not too long ago. I remember {what seems like FOREVER ago} being a mommy to one sweet little boy and wondering how anyone could possibly handle parenting more than one! Going from one to two was a LOT easier than I thought it would be. It was so nice not having that fear and worry that comes with your first. When the 3rd came along it took a little more adjusting. The hubby and I were now outnumbered. Now that the 4th has come along, which was actually not even 6 weeks ago, I really find myself having the "what's one more?" attitude. I dreamed of having 8 or at least 6. But honestly, I feel so complete with my four! I feel like having another may throw things off or something. Being a family of 6 suites us and I can't see it any other way. I say take it one by one, you'll know when your family is complete. :)
ReplyDeleteI always thought that I would maybe have 1..Now I think about it every day and now that I am a sahm I really think about it. We pretty much think we have it planned out when we wanna start trying and probably will just end up with 2...and it'll be two boys because noone has girls in our family lol.
ReplyDeleteI knew we would have two. And there was a small part of me that wanted a third for a while. Even now I get sad that I won't have any more babies to cuddle or love. But I know that my plate is full with 2! I don't think I would be a good mom to more than that. I feel like our quality of life would kinda suck. Ha. And I know we can afford 2 and still have a nice house, decent cars and pay for school if need be.
ReplyDelete